NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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