I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
