i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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