Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
