i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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