I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
