It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
