i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
