Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
