her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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