just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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