You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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