She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
