It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
