xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
