There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can I color on your dick again?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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