Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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