I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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