Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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