I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
