I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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