This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
