Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
