the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am available for nakedness
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
