not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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