EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
