But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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