ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
