i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
