Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize