i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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