No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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