apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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