Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
