Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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