i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
