The best revenge is premature balding
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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