Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
