I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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