Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
