Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Come see our sink grown plant.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
