walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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