I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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