Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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