Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
