How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
