the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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