Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
