so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
