dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
