Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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