I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
is that a dick in a sweater?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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