remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
