im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
