i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
