Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
