does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
