I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
