so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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