girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
