She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
