I heard we made out
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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