Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's just like the Real World with babies
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
