end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
