what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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