I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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