Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
