i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
These tits shall not be calmed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
