I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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