Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
