It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
