I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
