Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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