I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
