Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
there is glitter all over my balls
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
