trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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