Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently the secret to your success is patron
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
