What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
