Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
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i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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