Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
