Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
