Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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