If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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