I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
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I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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