in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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