there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
