this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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