I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
