I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
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I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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